The Monster Within

I will never forget the first time I tasted blood. The flesh warm, pressed to my lips. His scent cool and clean, like fresh linen. My brand new teeth slid down from the roof of my mouth, smoothly piercing the soft flesh of his neck, and immediately the artery spilled pools of the tangy iron liquid into my mouth. His frantic heart pumping the delicious liquid into my mouth faster than I could swallow it down. I wanted to savor the warm, velvety feel of it rolling over my tongue. Ecstasy far beyond alcohol, sex, drugs, or any combination in between I had ever experienced. No five course meal that ever tantalized my taste buds could vie with its rich, complex flavor. Only it felt so wrong.

And I loved it.

Earlier that evening I walked to the restaurant with my hands in my little jacket while the crisp fall air nipped at my rosy nose. I had a blind date with this wholesome, albeit boring, man at a little Italian place near home. We met through a dating app my friends had forced me to create, and connected in the real world.

“It’s more than time!”, " You should get back out there”, “You never know who you might meet!” They said.

No truer words, I thought. I had indeed not known who I was to meet just prior to this unlucky man currently held in my arms, his blood dripping onto the floor and pooling at my knees now. The previous blind date had been my last. Alive.

Panic wrenched my body awake as the cacophony reverberated off the walls, through the room. “Oh, it’s just my alarm. Why is it so loud?” I asked, wrapping the pillow around my ears with one hand, reaching to turn off the alarm with the other. My head pounded with the ghost of the ringing.

Sliding out of bed, I padded to the bathroom and ran the shower. My eyes snagged on the male’s shirt I was in mid-removal of; a small stain of dried blood lay on the collar. I flung it onto the floor, stepping back as though it were a savage creature prepared to lunge. Instead of striking, the previous night’s memory flickered in my thoughts. “Hello, love. Don’t you look ravishing tonight.” His dark eyes glittered as he took in my little black dress and pointed stilettos. Shaking the image out of my head, I jumped in the shower, willing the warm water to clear the fog from my mind.

I cleaned the steam off the mirror to continue getting ready for work. I blinked in surprise at the radiant face staring back at me. My face looked airbrushed, flawless. Yes,Replacing the unused makeup, I turned to my closet instead. Slipping into a matching pencil skirt and blouse, I headed out.

“The usual?” the barista asked.

“Yes, please.”

Thanking her as I took the coffee and headed out the door. Sipping of the coffee, I immediately spat it out on the sidewalk, retching. It tasted like ash on m tongue. “Maybe it’s just spoiled milk or something. But I’m running late enough as it is.” I muttered to myself, chucking the cup into the nearest bin. The tapping of heels on stone reminded me of something. Click, click, click… a parking lot wavered… click, click, click… a mirrored elevator, the cold glass keeping me from staggering… click, click, click… a penthouse view over the city…

“Sorry.” I said as I nearly bumped into the man holding the door open for me into the office. Tap, tap, tap on tile… an exotic man, skin smooth like liquid gold… tap, tap, tap… unable to keep our hands off one another…

“Hello…? Are you good?”

Shaking my head, again trying to clear the thoughts. “Huh? Oh, yes. I’m fine. Tired is all. Good morning, Stephanie.” I settled into my desk opposite Stephanie, knocking over my pen holder.

“Good, because we have to go. Don’t want to be late for another yawn summit.”

“Another Monday, which means another pointless morning meeting to sit through.” I said, replacing the pens in their holder.

“You know they only care about the numbers.”

“Why can’t they see that if we focused on creating solid products that solve actual issues, like the idea Fred shared last week, it would drive the needle more so?” Sighing, I stood and we headed to the boardroom.

“Because that takes genuine effort.”

“But that’s what real ROI takes!”

“Listen, I get it; I felt the same way as you when I was fresh out of grad school.”

“Let’s just get this over with.” I said, opening the door. Stephanie and I found our seats towards the end opposite the screen.

The meeting lasted until just after noon; then the team broke for lunch. My stomach cramped. I haven’t eaten all day, maybe I am just hungry. Cafes lined the street across from my office, but my favorite was a little Greek place with four tables inside and the most amazing food.

“What’ll it be? Your usual?” The server asked, bringing me a glass of iced tea.

“No, I think something light today. I’ll take hummus with extra pita, please.”

“Coming right up.”

Opening my phone, I had a message from a man I’d matched with on the dating app. “I am excited to meet you today. Where would you like to have dinner?” “There’s a delicious little Italian restaurant; it has the best arancini in town. Have you tried it?”

We exchanged a few more messages and nailed down the rest of the details. By that time, the server returned with my hummus and pita. As I inhaled the scent of the hummus, my stomach churned and roiled. I’m sure it’s just stress and I’ll feel better once I’ve eaten. I played it safe and grabbed the pita first. My mouth revolted, as if the substance confused it. When I managed to eat a little, the food rested uncomfortably, like a lump in the pit of my stomach.

“Could I get a box and the check, please?” I said, signaling the server to approach.

“Is everything ok with the hummus?”

“Yes, I am just not very hungry right now.” I replied, handing her my card.

The remainder of the day passed without incident; even my stomach seemed to settle. After finishing my final report, I clocked out and headed home. I couldn’t find my favorite little black dress, so I chose a bright red strappy number with a light cropped jacket instead.

Several couples milled around Bella Roma, the restaurant we chose for our date, waiting to be seated. My date waited in front of the restaurant for me, a single white rose in hand.

“Nice to meet you.” He said with a shy smile, handing me the rose. “You look gorgeous.”

“You as well.” I said, offering my hand, which he kissed.

Entering the double doors, the host escorted us to a table next to a window with a small garden box attached, overlooking the street. He ordered us a bottle of red wine, pouring my glass before his. After my earlier recommendation, he asked for the arancini. My stomach no longer hurt; instead, it felt hollow. I still didn’t feel particularly hungry, so I opted for a bruschetta. One bite had me running for the ladies’ room.

 After composing myself, I rejoined him at the table. “I am so sorry, I think we should rain check. At the moment, my stomach isn’t feeling well.”

His mouth did that little twitch people do when they aren’t happy about the turn of events but agree. “Let me at least walk you home.”

“That would be lovely. Thank you.”

Unluckily for him, he would not make it home.

My place was within walking distance of the restaurant. A light drizzle began just as we arrived at my door.

“Would you like to come in? You can wait out the rain with me?”

His cheeks turned pink as he answered, “I’d love to.”

We entered the house and hung our jackets on the stand next to the door.

“Ahh!!” he said after handing the rose back to me.

“Everything okay?” I asked, turning around.

“I’m okay, the thorn scratched me. That’s all.”

My eyes went straight to the bead of red on his fingertip. It was at this moment that a ravenous hunger clenched my stomach. Unconsciously, I stepped closer to him.

He must have sensed the shift, because he hesitated before saying, “Ummm, as much as I would love to, you know, take this further, I really would like to get to know you.”

“But you smell so good.” I said it, even though I wasn’t sure why I had. The pull was undeniable. I was just. So. Hungry. My lips parted and in an instant I bridged the gap, lips grazing his neck. The scent of his blood and skin overwhelmed my senses, washing over me. A fresh surge of hunger swelled. I stopped just shy of puncturing his skin before my rational mind chimed in, and I backed several steps away.

What am I doing? What is happening right now?

A flash of dark eyes and golden skin flitted through my mind. Then I remembered the night before - slowly, intimately, the man closed the gap between us. He brushed a lock of hair away from my face as he cupped my neck, bringing it to his mouth. Then I felt his teeth slide into the skin. A gasp escaping my lips, it was the perfect blend of pain and pleasure. Then the taste of his blood on my tongue…

Catching my reflection, or lack thereof, in the mirror adjacent to the coat rack, the savage part of me came to the forefront, and I took one purposeful step and then another towards the man who was now becoming uneasy. He caught the look in my eye, the smoldering fire of hunger, and took it for what it was. Predator. And he, my prey. Over before he could run. I held his body in my arms, hanging limp as the blood drained from him, and I luxuriated in the taste of it as it ran down my face, my arms.

His pulse slowed, and I let his body fall to the floor. A dull thud. For a moment, warmth spread through my body, making me feel pleasantly buzzed. Horror inched its way through my subconscious, melting the high as quickly as it came. I just killed a man. I just killed a man, and he didn’t deserve to die. I am a murderer.

“But am I a murderer if I didn’t mean to do it?”

“No, love, you are not a murderer. Though some may call you a monster. You are an apex predator at the top of the food chain. Cheers to your new beginning.” I quickly turned to face a man whose skin gleamed golden in the light and whose eyes were dark and piercing.

“You! You did this to me!”

“You asked it of me, don’t you remember?”

I thought back to the night before. “Make me like you.” I had said as his lips caressed my neck. I looked down at my hands, blood still warm, dripping down my fingers. The horror ebbed away slowly, overtaken by a hunger that was temporarily appeased. Like a guilty pleasure on which I had indulged.

This is how I became the monster no one expected of me.